Jon's Big Question
by Shhasow
Summary: Jon has a serious question for Kel.  To Beard, or not to Beard!  A series of  mostly  unrelated drabbles, all written for Goldenlake's SMACKDOWN.
1. Jon's Big Question

**A/N:** This is a collection of short drabbles of Jonathan/Kel. Most of them are unrelated, unless they have a number next to the title. They all are related to Jon's Big Question. To beard, or not to beard! Also, Tortall is not mine.

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><p><strong>Jon's Big Question, <strong>**(1)****  
><strong>**Summary****: **Neal tries to convince Kel. It doesn't work.

Neal smoothed his thin beard with his thumb and a finger, preening. "Do you like it, Kel?" he asked his oldest friend. "I think it makes me look rather distinguished."

Kel glanced at him and rolled her eyes. "You look scruffy. Undignified. I can't believe Yuki lets you leave your rooms with that on your face."

"Why?" he grumbled. "It's short, clean, gives the hint of age without a beard..."

"What's wrong with a beard?" she said sharply.

"Nothing! Nothing. Just, don't you think it's a bit much?"

"What?"

Neal squirmed just a bit and refused to meet her eyes. "It's just that, real beards, thick ones can make a man look old. Take your husband, for example-"

"Did Jon put you up to this?"

"What, no!" Panic set in on Neal's face.

"I wonder why I don't believe you." She glared at him.

Neal said hesitantly, "Why do you think the king asked me? Why would he ask me?"

"Jon's been wanting to shave his beard for months. I keep saying no, but I didn't expect him to go this far!"

He was relieved that Kel seemed more annoyed at her husband than him, and Neal couldn't resist. He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "That's simply a terrible thing, Kel. You know, you ought to go find him and explain all of this in explicit, vivid detail."

Kel shrugged off his hand and gave him a withering glare. "Don't think I haven't forgotten you," she threatened. "You can thank Jon when I'm done with both of you. Traitors."

As he watched his friend stomp away - supposedly to find her husband - Neal scratched the short hairs, grateful that he could finally shave it all off. When the king tells you to do something, you do it, no questions asked.

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><p><strong>Jon's Big Question, (2)<strong>**  
><strong>**Summary:**Raoul has a talk with Kel.

"Good morning, Kel," came a cheerful voice from her right. Kel glanced over and smiled at her old knight-master.

"Good morning, Raoul," she answered. "You came in late last night. I just caught a glimpse of you, but you look different now." Kel searched his face, frowning.

"Ah, yes," he coughed as he sat down his breakfast tray next to her. "The ride back was rather frantic and it wouldn't stop raining. I hadn't shaved for almost a week, so I had a small beard."

"It looked very nice on you."

Raoul groaned slightly. "Hardly. I'm sure it was wet, bedraggled, with all kinds of filth stuck in it."

Kel shrugged. "Not from what I saw."

He paused. "Buri made me shave it off," he said cautiously. "As soon as she saw me, she shoved a razor in my hand. I can't believe women care so much about facial hair."

Kel's eyes narrowed. This sounded oddly familiar, almost like the argument a certain husband of hers had used last night. "Jon put you up to this, didn't he?"

Raoul stuffed a roll into his mouth and looked at her beseechingly.

"Nice trick," Kel muttered. "Remind me to use that one on Jon sometime." She rubbed her eyes with one hand. "Speaking of, where is he?"

Raoul shrugged and, as he swallowed, shoved in another roll.

Face set in a mutinous expression, Kel rose to her feet. "If you have no suggestions, then I will never help you again when you get swamped with supply reports," she threatened.

Raoul waved his arms frantically, manfully choked down the roll, and croaked out, "No, no, I'm sorry Kel."

She sat down, arms crossed. "Talk. The fate of your completed paperwork hangs in the balance."

He cast around for something to say. "Ah, well, I think that his beard is actually quite dashing."

Apparently that was the magic phrase, for Kel's stubborn expression melted away, leaving a dreamy smile. "Isn't it? I must admit, I fell in love with his beard first. It's just so _kingly_."

Raoul nodded sagely. "Jon always did grow a good beard, but it wasn't until he became king that he kept it."

Kel hardly seemed to hear him. "It's so thick and full. The best beard in Tortall." She glanced at Raoul. "Right?

"In all the Eastern Lands!" Raoul waved his glass of juice in the air.

"Exactly. I'm so glad you see things my way, Raoul." Kel patted his shoulder. "We need to talk more often. I do enjoy how we see eye to eye on so many subjects."

Kel strolled away, leaving her breakfast tray half-full.

"Sorry Jon, I tried, but she's scarier than you," Raoul muttered as he swiped her bacon.

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><p><strong>Jon's Big Question, (3)<strong>**  
><strong>**Summary:**Gary has a talk with Kel.

Kel was on her way to the practice courts when Jon's prime minister stopped her.

"Ah, Kel? Can I have a quick word?"

She smiled politely. "Of course, Gary. How may I help?"

"Well you see," he started nervously. "I have a problem." When Kel nodded, he continued. "Cythera wants me to shave off my mustache. Insisting, rather, but my mustache and I have been close companions for many years, even longer than I've known my wife. You're a woman. What do you think? Should I listen to her advice, or do what I want?"

"Ah," Kel nodded knowingly, even as she inwardly sighed in exasperation. Jon, again! "I quite understand. You must be under a lot of stress."

He sighed. "I'm almost losing sleep over it."

"It's alright." Kel placed one hand on his shoulder. "Here's what you do." Gary leaned in closer as her voice dropped. "Cythera loves you very much, but sometimes you need to do what makes you happy." Gary nodded, but Kel cut him off as her fingers dug into his muscle. "In this case, I can assure you that what makes her happy, makes you happy. Understand?"

Gary winced. "I got it, Kel."

"Good." She released him and flexed her hands menacingly. "And pass this message on to Jon. Tell him that I said to stop sending his friends and mine to convince me that he can shave his beard. It isn't going to work. We've had many illuminating chats, and he knows that if he wants to keep me, the beard stays. If the beard disappears, than so do I." Kel eyed the trembling Gary. "Got all that?"

"Crystal, Kel."

"Good. Now, I'm going to humiliate a few cocky young knights. _You_are going to find Jon and tell him my exact words."

Gary nodded fervently and waved a feeble hand as she stalked away. He withdrew a small mirror and petted his mustache soothingly. "Don't worry, my boy, you're safe. I'll never cut you off."

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><p><strong>Jon's Big Question, (4)<strong>**  
><strong>**Summary**:Buri has a talk with Kel.

Kel sighed, nervously smoothing her hands down her full skirts. She disliked these grand balls. Jon didn't like them either, but such was the life of a monarch. She had to smile and pretend to enjoy herself and like everyone she spoke to and danced with. No matter what.

She smiled a grateful smile when she say Buri approach. After her marriage to Raoul, the two women had become much closer, especially after Kel's marriage to Jon.

"Buri, so glad you could make it," said Kel, for once that night completely honest.

Buri grinned and gave a surprisingly graceful curtsy. "I wasn't going to come," she informed Kel, "but my husband insisted that if he had to go, I had to as well. And yours," she nodded towards the blue-clothed king, "Asked me to speak with you."

Kel raised an eyebrow. "Oh. Did he now?"

Buri nodded solemnly. "He asked me to use my superior skills of womanly communication and persuasion in order to convince you to let him shave off his beard."

"Just like that?"

"Exactly so. However, I do believe he wanted me to use different words. Ones that might actually work."

"And what do you actually think?" Kel asked, a grin slowly forming on her lips.

Buri shrugged. "He's your husband. Do what you want with him."

"Any suggestions?"

Buri shrugged again, though she had a wicked gleam in her eyes. "If you need to, go for the tears. These big manly men cannot stand to see a woman in pain."

Kel watched her bored-looking husband as he greeted another couple he secretly loathed. "That's a rather good idea, actually."

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><p><strong>Jon's Big Question, (5)<strong>**  
><strong>**Summary****: **Wyldon has a talk with Kel.

Kel was in the practice yards working through a practice routine with her glaive when a familiar voice reached her ears.

"Lady Knight."

She stopped mid-lunge and grinned a welcome to her old training master. "Wyldon! It's great to see you again, not since the end of the war. Have you been at Cavall at this time?"

He nodded. "And you've been here," he noted dryly, glancing at her wedding ring.

Kel blushed faintly. "Well, things happened quickly, and you've been gone for years. I certainly didn't know that Jon and I would fall in love."

Wyldon nodded again and shifted uneasily. Kel frowned slightly. She couldn't remember the last time she saw him unsettled. "So what brings you to Corus?"

"I was, the king-that is," he stopped and sighed. "I was compelled by the king to come here." He continued before Kel could speak. "He wants my help on a particularly sensitive matter."

Kel nodded. "That sounds rather important. Can I be of assistance?"

"In a matter of speaking." To her amazement, Wyldon's cheeks reddened slightly, and he spoke quickly in a low voice, "Don't I look younger than the king?"

Kel frowned, confused. "Wha-"

Wyldon rubbed his chin. "I mean, doesn't the absence of facial hair accentuate my youth?"

Kel was torn between outrage and hilarious laughter. "You don't do subtlety well, my lord."

Wyldon sighed. "I am aware, but the king is desperate."

"He must be to recruit your help, but I won't use you as the middleman as my soon-to-be-former husband did. I will tell him myself to cease using people I respect in a futile attempt to change my mind. He's just going to have to live with it."

As Kel stalked off, sharp glaive in hand, Wyldon thanked Mithros that Vivenne preferred him clean-shaven.

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><p><strong>Jon's Big Question, (6)<strong>**  
><strong>**Summary:**Kel has the last words, sort of.

Kel found Jon in his oft-used meeting room. He saw her coming, swore under his breath, and busily shuffled some papers.

"Good afternoon, dear. I hope you don't mind if I ask you to leave; I have a meeting with some advisers from the eastern hills."

Kel folded her arms. "No you don't."

"They have reports of- of flooding-"

"We're in a dry spell, Jon," she said meaningfully.

He winced at the double entendre. "Now, dear, it doesn't have to be like that-"

"Don't _dear_ me, Jon. Why did you go around to all of mine and your friends and make _them_tell me that you want to shave?"

"I, well-"

"Did you think I wouldn't find out? Did you think I wouldn't listen to you if, if..." she broke off, sniffing.

Jon rose and covered the distance between them in seconds, enfolding her in his arms. "No no, it's not that, my love," he crooned. "You're right, I'm sorry."

Kel sighed. She burrowed her head in his strong shoulder. "I'm sorry too." She felt his head nod against hers, and he pressed a kiss to her hair.

As they stood there, swaying gently, Kel's tears dried and she slowly grinned, unseen by Jon.

There would be no more mention of _beard-cutting_. None.


	2. Jon's Manly Bush

**Manly Bush, PG-13****  
><strong>**Summary:** At the end of his rope, Kel lifts Jon's spirits.

There was an uproar in Tortall. Nobles whispered among themselves, commoners scratched their heads in disbelief. Everyone was in a state of shock about the news from Corus, which had disseminated like a wildfire.

Every story began a different way. Some said that the king had cheated on the queen, others said it was the other way around, or that the king discovered that Roald wasn't his son. A few even claimed that the king threatened his queen and that she worried for her protection. Of course, anyone who knew either Jon or Thayet knew this was ridiculous, for if such a thing _had_happened, the king wouldn't still be alive, but long dead from Thayet's wrath. One story even claimed that king had gone mad, declared himself the Emperor of 'Fuzzy-Land' and attempted to marry the Crown Prince of Tusaine. Thankfully, that was laughed down everywhere.

However, every version of the story ended the same, with Queen Thayet the Peerless storming to the nearest Goddess temple and declaring that she was divorcing _that no-good pox-rotten bastard _King Jonathan.

In shock, the priestesses had no option but to finalize the divorce, especially when a notarized message arrived from the palace granting his permission for the legal separation. Gareth of Naxen carried the signature, and remained to argue the settlement, which ended up being very generous for Thayet.

In the span of an hour, the country went from picturing their monarchs as happily, blissfully married, to gazing in shock at the burnt ashes of a shattered marriage.

No one was quite sure who was to blame, but most decided that since ex-queen Thayet had requested the divorce, it must be King Jonathan's fault. Overnight, the once-popular and admired king became nearly a pariah to his own people.

In response, the king secluded himself more and more, not even leaving his office some days as he mindlessly read reports and dictated royal declarations.

One day, Lady Knight Keladry was walking through the palace when she was stopped by a harried-looking prime minister. "My lord," she greeted, eyeing his bushy mustache with terrible fascination as it quivered violently.

"Keladry!" he exclaimed, then hastily corrected himself. "I apologize, lady knight, I'm merely a bit busy and stressed, and, oops!" The stack of papers in his arms shifted, and he barely reacted in time to catch and resettle them.

Keladry watched the teetering stack of paper with amused alarm. "Is there anything I can do for you, my lord?"

"Why, actually there is!" He shifted through his mountain of papers and somehow managed to withdraw a single folder without the lot toppling down around his ears. "If you could be so kind, please take these to the king. I promise you, he won't bite," he added at Kel's uneasy face. "Jon's a bit upset still, but I haven't the time to deal with him today. Thank you, lady knight, I appreciate this," he called over his shoulder as he left in a flurry of papers.

Kel glanced down at the file in her hand and sighed. She supposed she was to see the king, then. She hadn't seen him since the unfortunate debacle a few months before, but there was no reason to refuse. Besides, she _had_asked.

When Kel arrived at the great oak door, she knocked quietly and waited for the muffled, 'enter,' to crack open the door.

"I have some papers for you, from Lord Gareth, sire," she glanced in and sucked in a quick breath.

The king looked rather contradictory as he read some bit of paper. His hair was rather wild, and his clothes seemed unkempt and ill-fitting, but his beard was longer than she'd seen before, at least two inches, and trimmed exquisitely. Every hair was the exact same length, and it looked unnaturally smooth.

Kel couldn't stop looking at the beard. Her palms grew sweaty and began to itch, so she laid the file of papers on the desk and shoved her hands in her pockets.

He finally looked up from his intent reading. "Ah, Lady Knight, thank you for dropping these by. Knowing Gary, I'm certain they are of the utmost importance, vital to national security." Jon chuckled slightly, then gestured to a chair in front of the desks. "Come in, sit down. Tell me of the latest gossip. Have I yet progressed to a madman who ritualistically slaughters tiny furry animals?"

Kel sat down, a bit uneasy with this man who was both incredibly tense and much too relaxed, joking about the incident that had villified him. "Nothing of the sort, sire. You remain simply a callous man bent on gathering as much power and ruling with an iron-fist over your family as well as your kingdom."

He scoffed. "Amateurs, the lot of them. They can't even stir themselves to be creative."

She hesitated, then plunged ahead. "Sire, would it be too presumptuous of me to ask what happened?"

He raised one cool eyebrow. "Would it surprise you to hear that you are the first person to ask me that? Most people simply take Thayet's side. Even Gary just moaned about the political implications. Raoul told me not to be an idiot."

Kel fidgeted, twisting her hands and feeling rather awkward and out of her depth. "That is sad, Your Majesty. You lived over twenty years with her; you were just as emotionally invested as she." Kel paused, suddenly aware of the king's intense gaze, then continued slowly, "If you would like to tell, I would listen."

He looked away from her, then rubbed his eyes. "I rather appreciate that, Keladry, and the fact is that it's very simple. Thayet gave me an ultimatum, and I couldn't choose her."

Kel tried to think of what could possibly make such an obviously-loving couple split after so many years, what kind of ultimatum a wife might give, when the king threw up his hands.

"Thayet said: the beard or me."

She frowned in confusion. "Sire?"

"I said it was simple," he said glumly. "Thayet has always hated my beard. She's been after me for years and years to shave it off, but I love it. It's very kingly, you know? So finally, she told me to shave it or she was leaving." He cupped his chin, obscured by the beard. "I didn't suspect she could be serious, so I told her to go ahead."

Kel shook her head. "That's very tragic, sire." Suddenly, she had an uncontrollable impulse, and she followed around his desk, nearer to the sad monarch. "May I?" she asked, her fingers outstretched towards his jaw.

When he just nodded bemusedly, Kel ran her fingers through his thick facial hair, starting from the end of his jaw towards the tip of his chin, where she dug her fingers in and massaged the coarse hairs. "I am sorry about her," she murmured, "But I love your manly bush."

The blue eyes that were now so close to her widened in shock, and his breath caught audibly. "Keladry," he said, softly but urgently, "Would you marry me?"


End file.
